She's a professional, I mean

Swinging within 15 miles of Tennessee was the most logical part of my route from Florida to New York. It's not that far out of the way, and absolutely worth the stopover.

One of the most comfortable feelings in the world is when you get to spend just a few hours with someone and it's so easy to just pick up where you left off. No hesitation, no pause, just right back where we left off, months or even years ago.

I'm so lucky I got to do that twice during this trip, even if it meant watching dear, sweet, innocent Hanno kiss another woman & then roll around with a nice young gent. She sure put some hustle in her bustle. I guess she's not 8 years old anymore. Now she's a pro, that's for sure.
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Detour!

I'm an idiot.  I had no idea what day of the week it was, so I was hurrying home.  Turns out, it's only Thursday today! Who knew??

So I took a little detour.  Since there is apparently some sort of weather phenomena occurring along the I-95 corridor, I opted to take a little different scenery which would allow for a visit to the ass-end of nowhere.  Also known as the lovely town of Abingdon, VA.

Until a few years ago, I thought the only thing worth seeing in VA was Dave Matthews.  Turns out at the very very farthest end is a tiny town where one of my dearest friends currently lives & works.  So now I get to fancy up & hit the theatre tonight, and spend a little time with the other Ingram! And skip driving in the snow!  I tell you, it doesn't get much better than this. 

Also, Happy Opening Day!  Go Yanks!

Shitter's full

Now I'm really heading north. Had a GREAT visit with my second fam, the Ingrams, before leaving the Sunshine state.

A brief yet powerful storm dropped this on the sidewalk near their home. Just be glad you can't smell this photo. I had to roll down the window to snap the pic-- Yucka schmucka.
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Hittin' the road

It's been fun, but it's time to spend the next 2-3 days in the car. At least this one doesn't smell like hot chocolate & farts...yet.
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Afternoon snack!

Who needs dinner when your free snack looks like this!!
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Gno-more searching!

Hooray! I have been looking for a Mickey gnome since I've been here!
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Tallest paper towel dispenser ever

I would pay a dollar to see Auntie Mae try to get a paper towel out of this contraption. The handle is next to where the towel comes out, and it's about 2 inches above my eye level. although everyone is encouraged to wash, apparently short people are not permitted to dry their hands.
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Como se dice "merkin" en Espanol?

When traveling south, I have always been charmed by the Spanish moss lazily draped from the trees. Now, all I see when I look at a tree with tufts of moss is a merkin that got caught in a windstorm, blew off the clothesline, & traveled on the breeze until landing in the crotch of the tree.
I wasn't quick enough to catch it with my phone's camera, but there was a tree float thing in the parade that had a pflegeurkte merkin. Awesometown.
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Nice hat!

Grandma on the bus after her 80th birthday party. Hoop-Dee-Doo!!
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I'm on a boat.

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Mini-Princess

I bet on Halloween 2027, she'll be wearing a similarly short Snow White dress. Hopefully not still wearing Pull-ups...
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Jealous much?

This is my view if I put down my drink, flip up my sunglasses, and turn away from the umbrella-shaded table, next to the fountain on the cobblestone veranda.
Oh and it's a comfy 86 degrees with just a whisper of a breeze.
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Gno- my goodness!

They're everywhere!
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This vacation feels a lot like work

At Universal Studios yesterday, I had to stick my finger in the hoo-hoo no less than a dozen times: to get in the gate, to register in a few queues, and (my favorite) to rent a locker.

On any ride where you could be tossed like a salad, you have to stow your stuff in a free locker.  No more having to get change, losing keys or forgetting which locker was yours.  Step up to the scanner, stick your finger in, the locker door opens. Boom done!

Even on vacation I'm surrounded by that dang hoo-hoo.  It's a conspiracy.

Vacation isn't all glamour all of the time

Sometimes, one has to take a break from all of the rides and fun times, and hang out in the basement laundry facilities. Otherwise, one will have no clean underpants for the remainder of this ride
(Not really true, but I do want my awesome Green Lantern shirt clean so I can wear it again this week.)
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Butterbeer!

Wow! It tastes just like the stuff I whipped up for Bob's lunch! (I thought he was being kind when he said I nailed the flavor but I'll take full credit. The official brew is just as diabetic-shock inducing as the knock-off version.)
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Take me out to the ballgame!

Let's Go, Yankees!!
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Gambling isn't gambling when it's a sure thing...

Put in $20, 15 minutes later I'm walking out with $3,100 profit & free lunch.
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Bless me, Father, for I have sinned.

I stopped at what was billed as the Smallest church in America.  It was pretty small, but I expect someone could go smaller now that the challenge is out there.

This was posted on the bulletin board in the back: the invoice showing no charge from the local pest control.  I flipped back through the half-dozen invoices and see they started using the ironically-monikered product Demon for the past two treatments.  Luckily, it's a low concentration of Demon, only one-half of one percent.  That's merely a poltergeist; not packing a whole hell of a lot of an evil punch.

The playtpus is proof that God has a sense of humor.  I hope that's true, or I'm going straight to hell for this one.

The Vegas-ication of Disney

I've always been spoiled & had my narrow view of Disney as staying "on property" where everything was magical, innocent & topped with mouse ears. Well shatter that notion. As I drove up some main strip, looking for my $28 per night Best Western, I was bombarded with neon, tchochke shops & chain restaurants stacked on top of each other. Everything was glistening with cheapness, which I am, admittedly, usually drawn to like a moth to a flame.

As I gnaw on my $1.99 shoe leather strip steak, I try to pretend I'm not a stone's throw from all things Disney but since I can't convince myself, I'd feel better if everyone at least wore ears. That's a difficult task when, according to the litter in the hotel parking lot, Ms. Belinda will wear only mouse ears if that's what you're into.

Walt must be spinning in his freezer to see what has overdeveloped on his swampland-turned sanctuary. Most notably, Ms. Belinda.

You asked for it...

I wore this for a solid 1/2 hour down I-95 in Georgia. I only noticed 1 family who noticed.
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Only in the South

"Shmoke und a pancake. You know, a flapjack und a shigarette? Sheegar und a waffle? No? Pipe und a crepe? No? Bong und a blintz?"

Perhaps if Dr. Evil offered Austin a mortar & a waffle, he would have accepted. Waffles obviously go better with fireworks than a cigar. And here is proof they live in harmony.

Yawn

Welcome to Fayetteville, NC!  Time to take a break for the night.  To recount interesting things I saw but unfortunately, was not prepared to take a picture to post:

1. Satan's Tampon.
About a half-hour South of the 34 foot statue of out Lady of Rust Resistance, I spotted a silo-type structure painted white, then overpainted to bear a strong resemblance to Jeff Dunham's Achmed the Dead Terrorist.  Maybe it was supposed to be terrifying.  Maybe it was supposed to be humorous.  I asked a guy at the next rest stop & he said it was a Halloween hauntd house/cornmaze type of place but that the silo, always visable from the highway, and locally it is referred to as Satan's Tampon.

2.  Roadkill Seagulls
Driving across the amazing Chesapeake Bay Bridge & Tunnel contraption, I was dumbfounded by the number of dead seagulls littering the side of the highway.  One of my time-wasters while traveling is to both identify (when possible) and keep a tally of observed roadkill.  I counted 19 seagulls on this lengthy stretch.  It should be noted I recall only ever seeing 1 other victim of vehicle vs. gull. 

3. Whizzing past the Bladder Bunch
Along I-95, which is cluttered with rest stops, truck stops, restaurants, gas stations and various other places with plumbing, there was a line of 6 people (4 male, 2 female), lined up next to their minivan, taking a leak on the side of the road.  Seriously, all 6 of you had to go at once?? And none of you could hold it another quarter-mile till the next Waffle House?? I'm especially talking to you, ladies.  Keep it classy, Ontario (at least that's what their license plate said).

Tomorrow's Sched:
Drive. Stop at South of the Border.  Drive some more.  Then maybe a little more driving.

Stainless Steel Virgin Mary

Someplace in Delaware.
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Start your engines!

After a 7 hour delay, finally hitting the road.  On an unrelated note: Happy Birthday, Pete!

Plan Change #1

Wimping out. Sleeping in. Delaying departure by about 12 hours.

Butt Sniffing Gnomes

Weirdness on Cousin Amy's neighbor's lawn at game night
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Chocolate Covered Bacon!

I wonder what the street value of this is?  I'm guessing there could be some serious bank.

Check Check 1 Sibilance Sibilance

Welcome to the blog.  You can now watch in real time to see if the skillful doodles on the CM "Markerboard of Vacation Failures" have any truth to them.

To start things off in the right direction, here is a picture of a gnome:

Gnome Chomsky, Resident of Kelder's Farm